The Self-Improvement Trap — This is How I Escaped
While it’s a noble endeavour to strive for self-improvement and personal growth, it’s essential to approach this journey with the right mindset. Sometimes, a well-intentioned pursuit of self-improvement can unintentionally lead to a state of perpetual unhappiness and dissatisfaction. It can become a trap😐
Why do I say it?
Because,
I’ve always had a deep interest in studying self-improvement materials. I was obsessed with the idea of becoming the best version of myself and living the best life possible.
I consumed everything that promised to enhance my life: hours spent watching YouTube videos, reading every best-selling self-help book, listening to podcasts, taking courses, and more.
It was like an addiction, but I took pride in it.
I thought and I convinced myself that I was investing my time wisely in self-improvement, differentiating myself from the majority of people engaged in entertainment and time wasting, doing things that don’t contribute to their future. I even found myself judging and comparing others to me and feeling a sense of superiority and vanity.
This pursuit consumed me, leading to obsession, but I never found my Happiness levels Improving as I thought my actions would do.
Instead, I felt miserable, feeling like a loser, I was anxious about my future, frustrated about myself and my present conditions
Awakening
One day I realized the predicament I was in.
It was then that I came to recognize that my actions were fueled by a deep-seated sense of inadequacy and unworthiness.
I was always in a hurry to reach a future version of myself who was supposedly better and living a “better life.” I pursued this ideal relentlessly.
I believed that I could only be complete, good enough, or perfect if I achieved certain things, became a certain someone, or attained specific milestones.
There was an unconscious belief that in the current moment, I was imperfect, not good enough, undeserving of many good things, and unworthy. To fix this perceived inadequacy, I felt compelled to continually improve myself and mold my life in a particular way.
I found solace in the future because I felt incomplete in the present. I was unwilling to embrace the present moment and accept myself as I was.
It’s essential to clarify that I still believe that striving for self-improvement is a noble pursuit, as it benefits both us and those around us, contributing to the expansion of our souls. However, it is crucial to discern the origin of this desire and the state of being from which it arises.
In my case, I realized that my desire for self-improvement stemmed from a state of lack, a persistent feeling that I was not good enough in the present moment.
Attempting to pursue self-improvement from this state makes it nearly impossible to fully experience and appreciate the present moment or find self-contentment in the now.
The constant pursuit of a better future life and the ideal future self, driven by a sense of inadequacy, makes it difficult to focus on the beauty of the present moment.
I came to understand that I had been missing out on the beauty of the present moment and the richness it had, all the blessings I already have, I took for granted the blessings and beauty around me that I already have.
I now understand that I missed out on numerous opportunities due to this state of being. When presented with opportunities that could have benefited me, I unconsciously sabotaged them because I believed I was not yet ready for them.
It was as if I considered the present moment as a mere preparation period for the “real life” that is waiting for me in the future.
I postponed living, continually telling myself, “One day, I will do this, I will do that. Now is not the right time because I’m not ready yet.”
Unfortunately, I was unaware that this was a trap, as the “real life” in the future would never arrive. It would always remain just out of reach, an unattainable goal, because the future is perpetually an illusion, just a mental picture that our minds created for us.
Life can only be experienced in the present moment, as what we call the future today is also only experienced as the experience of NOW/ the present moment, It is merely the experience of the present when it arrives.
I realized that continuously hoping for a better life in the future, driven by the feeling of not being good enough or inadequacy, leads to a life devoid of true happiness.
It prevents us from fully valuing and appreciating the present moment and its inherent beauty.
Life unfolds in the here and now, and no matter how much we run after future ideals, they will always remain intangible concepts in our minds.
It was a profound awakening to understand that the present moment is not a stepping stone to some grand future, but a destination in itself.
The present is where life happens, where joy is felt, where love is experienced, and where true growth can occur. It is in the present that we can truly connect with ourselves and the world around us.
As the great wise Master Oogway once said,
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, but Today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.
Getting out of the Trap
Gradually I began to shift my perspective, to see self-improvement not as a race to fix myself, but as a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. I started to appreciate the process itself, rather than being fixated on the outcome. I learned to find value in who I am at the moment. I stopped comparing myself with others who are living a better life than me.
It required me to consciously practice gratitude, acknowledge and celebrate my small victories, and embrace my failures as opportunities for learning and growth. I had to learn to be kind to myself, and to forgive myself for not being the perfect ideal I had set up in my mind.
I also realized the importance of balance. While it’s beneficial to have goals and aspirations, it’s equally important to find contentment in the present moment with our present self.
It’s about finding harmony between striving for a better future and being fully present and content with where you are now.
I started setting intentions rather than imposing expectations on myself. An intention allows for flexibility and acceptance, while an expectation is rigid, demanding and unforgiving. I began to set intentions for growth without attaching them to my self-worth.
That’s the important thing, I learned to detach my self-worth from my achievements. My value as a person is not tied to what I have accomplished or what I will accomplish. I am worthy simply because I exist, because I am human, with the inherent value that comes with being.
I realized I will be what I will be, but I am Now what I am and It’s enough.
As I embraced this new way of living, I found that opportunities began to present themselves in ways I had not noticed before. I was more open to experiences, more willing to take risks, and more present in my daily life. I found joy in the mundane and beauty in the simplicity of life.
In conclusion, the pursuit of self-improvement is indeed noble, but the reason behind it matters. When it arises from a place of self-love and acceptance, it becomes a powerful force for genuine transformation. It is not about becoming someone else, but about being the best version of who you already are, here and now.
And so, I continue on this path, not in a hurry to chase a future ideal, but with a calm and open heart, ready to welcome all the lessons and joys that come with living fully in the present. The journey of self-improvement, I’ve learned, is not about reaching a destination; it’s about cultivating a love for the journey itself, with all its twists and turns, its ups and downs, and its beautiful moments of realization and being.
I am choosing to live here and now and I’m encouraging you too🦋
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